Belt Drive Betty's Blog

PTSD - the shame, fear, anger and misunderstandings and RIDING!

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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Airdrie Bikes & Bulls<br />
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PTSD is a dreadful dis-ease.<br />
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It can come on so hard, so strong, so fast that you simply can't function in any coherent way.<br />
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Sometimes you know what your triggers are and other times you get caught so off guard by a trigger that you didn't know existed that you feel foolish or worse.<br />
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The outbursts of a PTSD survivor can be almost as disturbing to witness and or deal with as the outburst from a person with Tourette Syndrome.<br />
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For the person inside of the PTSD episode, it can be scary, frightening, embarrassing, horrifying, mortifying - there are a lot of words you can put to how the person in the moment feels. As the whole thing blows up out of control, the person inside of the episode almost immediate begins berating themselves, at least that's been my experience.<br />
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I was diagnosed back in the late 90's and I gotta tell you that the supports for civilians suck.<br />
The drugs put so much weight on you that your self esteem goes in the toilet, they mess with your innards and make them unhappy and unhealthy.<br />
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The drugs, they are the absolute worst part, next to a health care system that is over burdened. Continuity of care is challenging especially in the north where doctors from other countries who seek to immigrate to Canada are "requested" to work here for their first 5 years.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Motorcycle Ride to the Reynolds presented by Honda Canada<br />
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Many leave here for warmer climes and bigger cities with larger population bases for customers.<br />
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At least for veterans, there is some attempt at a cohesive support program, there is truly little for the civilian.<br />
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One of the hardest things to deal with from my perspective is the shame one feels when you get to a point that you can't control your tone of voice or the anguish or anger with which you speak.<br />
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Since May and the first anniversary of Fort Mac I have struggled hard with PTSD.<br />
I am winning, but I have had a few occasions that I am not overly proud of.<br />
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Being around others who judge you, who can't deal with or accept you because of the PTSD can make life, interesting.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">3rd CAV Rally </td></tr>
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Many people turn on you once they experience a PTSD episode with you, those who don't, those are the ones you hang on to.<br />
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It can be a very lonely way to live.<br />
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This is my way of reaching out the <a href="http://www.militarymindsinc.com/mm-inc-news/the-rolling-barrage-2017/" target="_blank">Military Minds Rolling Barrage </a>as they complete their trip - across Canada to raise PTSD awareness...although I have not always gotten along with the way their organization uses dark humour publicly sometimes, I do appreciate the work that they do.<br />
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I salute all who work to help people understand the invisible would called PTSD.<br />
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That work benefits everyone with PTSD or those who love someone with it.<br />
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<b>Now onto other more pleasant topics.</b><br />
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In the last few weeks I have not been on the computer much.<br />
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Hence why I have not updated this blog for a bit.<br />
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I have actually been out riding.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pipes Education event at Harley-Davidson of Edmonton<br />
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I am finally coming out of the fog of adrenal fatigue and while I can now work 6 days a week again, I am still only able to work between 8-10 hours a day, sometimes I can manage 12.<br />
When you are used to being a one person crew that worked 12-14 hours a day 7 days a week, it's rough. I miss those highly productive hours.<br />
HOWEVER as I mentioned, I have been riding and enjoying every mile I have put on and there have been a few.<br />
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I went to the  Run to the Hills Memorial Rally, Airdrie Bikes & Bulls, spent some time with the Military Police in Dundurn Saskatchewan, and I attended the 3rd CAV Rally, I went to Drumheller for a day with a friend and I rode Lucky Highway 13 to create videos with.<br />
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I spent time in Wetaskiwin at the Reynolds-Alberta Museum for the Motorcycle Ride to the Reynolds presented by Honda Canada and got one heck of an education on motorcycle pipes from the gang over at Harley-Davidson of Edmonton.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Military Police, Moose Jaw</td></tr>
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I promise I will bring you up to speed on all of those events and a whole lot more in the coming days and weeks.<br />
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Please folks, if you are lucky enough to be riding today, please remember to ride like everyone around you is blind and can not see you.  We have lost enough people in our community - please be safe and hyper vigilant.<br />
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Belt Drive Betty<br />
Editor & Rider<br />
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