I am grateful to my friend Don Mustard for posting a video this morning on Face Book about Dr Randy Pausch and his Last Lecture - it was an interview with Diane Sawyer - it moved me and I ended up on You Tube and found his lecture video from the Oprah show -

As a sexual abuse survivor - I could not relate to the happy childhood this man had to draw from. But I could relate to his philosophy on living life and choosing happiness and choosing to live every moment to it's fullest.

The handicaps that a person starts their life out with when they are an abuse survivor be it physical, sexual or emotional abuse can be very hard to overcome. Therapy, friends and mentors are responsible for getting me as far as I have come - I am not discounting my own desire to learn to be different, to grow - but without the friends and mentors - the people who care enough to point out when something you do is wrong or unacceptable well - you have no compass from which to live.

Dr Pausch makes one statement that to me was so profound in light of somethings that have happened to me over the course of the last two months that I cried almost uncontrollably - because what he said was so true and so liberating - "When you are doing a bad job and nobody points it out to you that's when they have given up on you." And the next thing that had me crying and shaking my head in agreement was about brick walls - "they are not there to keep you out - they are there to show you how much you want it" (talking about your dreams)

Recently I had a situation where in someone I had befriended in business decided they didn't like my reaction to a document they wanted me to sign. It was one of those situations where I took things personally ( I reacted like an abuse survivor) instead of treating it like business. 

Now, had I treated the situation like it was just business - I would have simply taken this piece of paper and told the person to get over themselves, that they weren't that important and walked away from the potential business transaction like I intended to do from the moment I got the document - I already had my plan B in place.

But no - as I said,  I reacted as a survivor and I took an almost identical document and told them I needed them to sign it. I was purposeful - I wanted this person to know how insulting and demeaning their request really was in light of the simpleness of the potential transaction. Truly, I was just as petty as they were. I should have simply said thanks but no thanks - but the survivor in me needed to lash out (and I forgot that I can control her.)

At the end of the day I had a decision to make - I could stay in that wounded, victim role or I could decide that I didn't need toxic selfish people around me and embrace yet another lesson about myself and my reactions to hurt.

The brick wall that I face is a really big one, it must be for I have been tearing bricks out of it for a long time. I want to learn to live life peacefully - without drama, without anger because as Dr Pausch so aptly explains - anger never fixes anything, it is up to us to decide how we are going to deal with the cards we are dealt.

I am sad that I reverted to anger/spite - I am grateful to have realized so quickly that that is what I did.

Learning, growing, changing evolving all starts with awareness. I am learning to stay aware of my feelings, my own ego and how to accept that nothing is perfect except the dream.
I am learning the art of living life with gratitude and happiness -  thankfulness.

So what does all of this have to do with motorcycles? I am telling you all this because I want to draw your attention to the Little Warriors Poker Run... $500.00 poker run July 10/20010 at the New Castle Pub. 6108 90 Ave.Edmonton, AB. Rain or Shine. Tickets are $30.00 proceeds are going to The Little Warriors. (Education for prevention of sexually abused children. ) There will be door prizes, 50/50 silent auction, dinner, and a group photo included in the price of tickets, and MORE !!!!

Help make a kids future brighter and easier - don't make them learn the hard way - the way I do sometimes - don't let them feel alone - most abuse survivors feel alone/abandoned  - give them tools at an early age to live life with happiness and Little Warriors - PLEASE.

If you are lucky enough to be riding your motorcycle today, please ride like everyone around you is out to get you, is blind and can not see and and ride proud - not loud!

Belt Drive Betty

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